A good night sleep

So, I seem to have found everything that’s important to get done and crammed it into one week. I’ve done lunches, bank appointments, interviews and I’m tired. I still have to work all day and evening tomorrow and then I have college all day Thursday (including a law exam – oops sorry ‘timed assessment’) and Friday I have my weekly personal counselling session and an appointment with my placement to get my security checks done. It’s safe to say I can’t wait for Saturday! I need a lie in! (I’m not 100% sure if it’s lie in or lay in and have spent too much time googling it so I’m giving up). I’m just so exhausted!

On top of all this I’m having to revise for my ‘exam’ and get all of my paperwork done to be able to start practicing. I literally don’t have enough hours in the week to get everything done! Not without going crazy anyway. I just keep trying to think about my lie in on Saturday and how this is all helping my future!

Seemed like a good idea at the time…

When we are little we are usually asked ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’. Children usually answer with things like a princess or an astronaut. I answered ‘A secretary’. As a child I thought secretary’s sat around writing all day and that’s what I loved doing. I have always liked writing.

I got very excited about going to university to write essays and study. I imagined sitting in a beautiful library, at a desk surrounded by books and a laptop. I loved the idea of doing loads of research and reading about something I was really interested in. Well… my lord was I wrong! I’ve now written quite a few essays over the past few years and I can honestly say this was not my experience. I found myself sitting at a library desk, stressing out because none of the books could give me what I needed. I then found myself at my own desk, gone midnight still stressing and this basically continued until the essay was given in. Wasn’t I shocked when I realised that studying for a degree wasn’t quite like it is in films and programmes. I was expecting a fairy tale full of fascinating books in beautiful library’s. What I actually got was late nights and a lot of coffee!

I don’t think I’ll ever love writing essays but what I have found after leaving uni to start my degree at college closer to home, is maybe I need to have a little bit more confidence in my ability to actually write essays. As much as I stress over it being the worst thing ever written and my little cousins being able to write something better – they always come out pretty good. I need to stop stressing!

I may be feeling slightly worn out.

I feel like there is a distinct difference between being sleepy, tired and exhausted! Sleepy is cute, just like oh I’m feeling a bit sleepy but I can still function perfectly well. Tired is a bit worse, like maybe you can’t fully concentrate because you want to sleep. Exhausted is me now. Like zombie mode, can’t make one foot go in front of the other without tripping over my own feet. Like dropping a pen and crying because there is absolutely no energy left to pick up that pen! I’m so exhausted right now and I know that the next week ahead of me is going to kill me! 

A trip down memory lane…

It’s midnight here in England and I am in bed scrolling through pictures. Pictures of my school prom, my 18th birthday, Christmases and nights out. I love looking through old photos, especially seeing how much slimmer I was! I like looking back at how happy I was with my friends back then… friends who I no longer have. It’s usually a nice feeling but tonight it feels different. All I can think about it how much I wish my boyfriend was in these pictures. I wish I’d have been with him so that he could have experienced all of this with me. These are pictures he’s never seen and stories he’s never heard.

I’ve been with him tonight so maybe that’s why these thoughts are in my head. Kind of like when you see somebody and then that night you have a dream about them? All I know is it feels strange not seeing him in these pictures. I know he wasn’t there so it shouldn’t feel strange and I was actually in other relationships when these photos were taken but it’s strange that he never got to experience life with me in these moments. I was a completely different person back then and I wish he’d have known that person.


Let’s see how long this lasts!

Last year I decided I wanted to buy myself a new laptop. Mine was old and frail and I wasn’t sure how much longer she would last. I’d wanted a surface pro for ages and my boyfriend suggested I get one. I have never bought myself anything this expensive and I was really excited and proud that I could finally buy myself something like this. So I waited until the new year and I got myself one.

I LOVE it! I got the surface pro 4 and I love it so much I now use it for everything! So once I had done my lists and made notebooks for all of my course modules, I decided to make a blog! So here I am… let’s see how long this lasts!